We All Must Define “Success” For Ourselves

For a majority of my life, I thought success had a singular definition: big job, big pay, big house, big life.

This was a belief that was handed down culturally, fromuzcially, through school, the media, competitors, and even the well-meaning family that had delimitated complexities group in my ear. Success, it seemed, had a checklist associated with it. Good grades. A respectable job. Making money. Being a someone who other people find admirable, diligent, and ideally, someone who’s posted about.

So I chased it, as. I chased the grades, the jobs, the prestige, the admiration. And for a time, I felt like I was “doing it right.” But here’s what no one ever tells you, when you are chasing someone else’s version of success, it is tiring. Because because while you may tick boxes, something does not feel right inside. You smile for the photo, but your soul is silent. You achieve something that should be significant; but you ask yourself, is this it?

I took a long time to realize what had been happening.

That I wasn’t failing.

That I wasn’t ungracious.

I was merely pursuing a dream that was not mine. And that was the start of something beautiful – the start of re-defining success for me.

Success is not a cookie cutter mold. We are trained to think there is one path to success – a straight line from ambition to achievement. What we are not often taught to question is:

Does this definition even fit me?

For some, success might mean running a corporation. For others, it can mean being able to write poetry in a quiet cottage. For some, it is wandering the world. For others, it is raising kind children, and building a loving home.

There is no one way to live a successful life, and there never was.

Here’s the trap though – when we do not define success for ourselves, we are pursuing someone else’s dreams – and we are left holding the empty bag.

The Huge Cost of Someone Else’s Dream

At one point, I looked very put together.

I had the right title. I was busy and booked. Things seemed successful on the outside.

But on the inside? I was burning out. Not because I couldn’t do it – but it simply was not aligned with me.

I wasn’t living a life that aligned with my values. I wasn’t waking up looking forward to my day. I wasn’t growing in the direction I wanted to be growing in. I was, in many respects, stuck in the illusion of success — while losing sight of who I was.

This is a cost no one tells you about:

When you live your life according to someone else’s definition of success, you forfeit your authenticity. And it’s a cost far too high to pay.

The Turning Point: Befriending Questions

The change didn’t happen overnight. It started with discomfort — a small, quiet voice asking, “What are you really chasing?” What took courage is sitting with that question. What took even more courage was answering it honestly.

I am sharing with you the questions that I began asking myself, and I encourage you to sit with these too:

What does success feel like to me — as opposed to what does success look like to me? If no one was watching or judging, how would I want to spend my time? What are my core values, and is my life running in alignment with these?

What brings me peace — not performance? These questions open something up, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but what came out was not an exact plan, it was truth.

Redefining Success: A Personal Testament

What I discovered surprised me. I can honestly tell you that for me, success has never been about the money or the title. It was always about freedom, fulfillment, and peace.

It was about:

Being able to take time off of rest (and not feel guilty). Doing work that made people feel seen and supported. Being present with my loved ones without checking my phone every 2 minutes. Creating without any pressure. Choosing honesty instead of perfection. And more importantly, success became about the ability to wake up as me, not who someone else expects me to be.

What Success Looks Like Today

Now my life has become simpler. Softer. Quieter. And beyond meaningful. Yes, I may not check off all of the boxes society’s definition of success checked; but I do have something I have never experienced before: alignment. I define success in moments, not metrics.

Is it walking in the evening at sunset, when that sky is as artful as it gets? Is it enjoying a deep belly laugh with your best friend? Is it writing a blog post that elicits a response from someone’s heart? Is it an hour spent simply in stillness? Is it not rushing to be anywhere?

These are my riches. This is my success. And I believe you can find your version. Permit Yourself to Redefine. It takes courage to redefine success — because it often means letting others down who held certain expectations for how you would live your life.

But here’s the truth: this is YOUR life. And your definition of success is the only definition that will give you lasting joy.

So permit yourself to:

Stop doing what doesn’t feel authentic to you.

Start over — very slowly, quietly, authentically.

Prioritize values over validation.

Redefine what “enough” looks like for you.

Your success doesn’t have to be impressive — it only has to be yours.

A New Definition of Success

“Success is waking up with peace in my heart, purpose in my step, and people I love nearby. It is living in alignment with who I truly am — not who I think the world expects me to be.” That is the definition I now live by. And each time I lose sight of it, I come back to it. You are allowed to create your own definition. In fact, you must. Because if you don’t define success for yourself, the world will define it for you — and, most likely, it will be too small for your soul. To Conclude: Your Journey, Your Speed and Your Definition .  Remember, success is not a race. It is not a competition, it is not a measure of measuring who can prove it. It’s about living true to who you are in a way that feels authentic, meaningful, and right for you. So, if you’re done chasing a certain version of life that feels unfulfilling, just stop, pause and listen, re-define.

Start small:

Write down what actually matters to you.

Take one action that aligns with your values.

Let go of one expectation that doesn’t feel like yours.

And then — slowly and gently — start to create a life around that truth.

Because success does not need to be loud.

It is calm, it is intentional, it is possible — for you.

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